see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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