it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
