I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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