So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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