i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
