I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
