i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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