i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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