break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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