Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
