1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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