Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
