i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
