i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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