My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
