one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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