We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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