Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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