And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
