Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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