Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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