i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
