there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
