when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
