so that wasnt chicken after all
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My pussy is not your playground.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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