so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So many bounce houses so little time
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
