At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
