I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
