I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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