i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
