Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
