We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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