I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
