Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
