i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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