i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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