R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
