If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
