At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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