Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
