i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
