i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
