Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
