there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
