i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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