Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
