Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
