At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
