guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
