ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
