You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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