Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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