i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
