i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
